I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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