I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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