Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize