I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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