2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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