If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
