so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize