remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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