Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
