I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I did not marry a roomba.
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