I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
