I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize
