Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
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