My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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