she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
