If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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