You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
