Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Who died my cat blue again?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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