My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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