What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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