You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
