we have officially lost it.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
its liver damage thursday
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
