It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
