Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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