Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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