Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
