ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
