he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
