I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
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