Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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