did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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