I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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