The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
