I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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