that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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