I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
