I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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