dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
