Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
is that a dick in a sweater?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
