I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
How does one acquire holy water?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize