"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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