So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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