your parents love me but you hate me
I think I died a long time ago.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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