the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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