we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
