nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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