Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
