Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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