Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize