when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
