why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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