I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
