I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
