Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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