i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize