I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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