Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Randomize