Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Need sex. Gaining weight.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
