I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
