Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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