how can u be prego again
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
