If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
