This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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