It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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