PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
