last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
and you said cock pushups were impossible
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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