I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
