That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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